Facing Fears
by SophF95
Summary: Since the accident Ethan has insisted on walking everywhere. He claims it is because he wants to get fitter. The truth is, he can't bring himself to get back into a car. When it's his turn to go to an RTA as part of the fast response team will he be able to overcome his fear or will his secret finally be revealed?
1. Chapter 1

_**So, I absolutely love Ethan Hardy as a character, he is so sweet and funny so I decided to write a fanfic based around him. I've decided to write about the crash he was in with Connie, Ash, Tess and Lily. I hope you enjoy it and please remember to review what you think, any questions you have or any suggestions! **_

**Chapter 1: **

All was quiet in Holby as Ethan set off to his early shift in the ED. Locking the door behind him Ethan popped the set of shiny keys in his bag before departing on his walk to work leaving his abandoned car outside.

Walking down the street he could feel the chill in the air on his cheeks as he pulled his scarf further up his face to try and keep warm. He forgot how cold it could get at 4am. He didn't start work until 5am but it took him about 45 minutes to walk to work and he didn't want to be late.

As Ethan zigzagged his way through the streets being careful not to slip on the odd icy patches he eventually rounded the corner to see the hospital dominating the skyline in front of him like a mountain.

The red automatic doors sprang open as the young doctor approached them, welcoming him into the ED. As he entered the waiting area he could tell it was going to be a hectic shift as there seemed to be a backlog from the previous shift. Ethan smiled as he saw the sight. There is no such thing as a quiet shift in the ED.

Making his way to the staff room to place his belongings in his locker, Ethan stopped as he heard a familiar chirpy voice calling his name.

"Dr Hardy! Walked in again have we?" Zoe asked as she opened the staff room door, holding it open as Ethan followed her in.

"Yes. It was very enjoyable actually." Ethan said trying to sound honest but in truth he was cold and tired from the early morning walk. He hadn't had much sleep and the walk had used up a lot of his remaining energy but he was determined to stay motivated for his shift.

"Course," Zoe said sarcastically as she raised her eyebrows at Ethan who grinned back at her. "Why didn't you just drive in?" Zoe asked simply as she rummaged around in the cupboards looking for something.

"It's a...er...new thing I've started to get fitter." Ethan spluttered hoping that Zoe would fall for it. The truth is, since the crash Ethan hasn't been able to get in a car. It fills him with dread even just thinking about it. He has walked everywhere since it happened and he is still having nightmares about it. He doesn't want anyone to find out that he isn't coping.

"Since when do you care about fitness?" Zoe questioned as she paused briefly, taking her head out of the cupboard she was searching to look confusingly at Ethan. He was the last person she thought would care about fitness.

"It's never too late to start." Ethan replied simply before returning to his locker where he removed his coat, placing it in his locker before picking up his stethoscope and wrapping it around his neck. He shut his locker and made sure it was locked before turning around.

"Bingo!" He suddenly heard Zoe shout as he glanced over to see that she found what she needed before hurrying out of the room leaving Ethan alone. She seemed to have fallen for the story which Ethan was grateful about but he had no idea how much longer he would be able to keep it a secret for.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

Leaving the staff room Ethan took a deep breath before starting his busy shift in the ED. He made his way over to reception where Noel and Louise were and picked up the next card with the details of the next patient on.

"Morning Ethan!" Noel said cheerily as he pottered about behind the desk sorting files out into the relevant piles that had been dumped on the desk by doctors in a hurry.

"Morning Noel. Has it been like this all night?" Ethan questioned as he looked around the crowded waiting room. Most of the seats had been taken by people waiting to be seen, the tray with the patient cards in was almost overflowing and doctors and nurses where rushing around all over the place.

"Yep. St James had a major incident last night so all their minor injuries were told to come here." Noel explained as he too looked at the amount of people still waiting to be seen.

"This is going to be a long shift." Ethan sighed before turning around to call out his patients name. He watched as a young boy and his mother stood up and made their way towards Ethan who led them through to a cubical. He invited the boy to sit down on the bed as Ethan pulled the curtain around them to give them some privacy.

"So, you must be Liam?" Ethan said gently as he looked at the boy on the bed. He had dark hair and dark eyes with fair skin and a few freckles scattered across each cheek. Ethan reckoned he was about 5 years old. He watched as the young boy nodded his head.

"I'm Ethan. Can you tell me how this happened?" Ethan asked as he picked up his right wrist to examine it. It was bruised and swollen and Liam winced as Dr Hardy turned it over to look for any other signs of injury.

"I fell downstairs." Liam said quietly to Ethan as he continued to look at the wrist. "I woke up and I was thirsty so I went to get a drink and I forgot I had put my shoes at the top of the stairs and fell over them and I woke Mummy up." Liam explained before looking at his Mum who so far hadn't said a word.

"Is this true?" Ethan asked as he turned to look at Liam's Mum. She nodded so Ethan turned his attention back to Liam.

"Does it hurt anywhere else?" Ethan asked as he gently placed Liam's wrist back down, resting it on a pillow that he had taken off the bed to make it more comfortable.

"No." Liam said and Ethan smiled at the young boy. He explained how he was going to book him in for an x-ray and that a nurse would be along shortly to give him something for the pain and to try and reduce the swelling in his wrist before leaving the cubicle.

As Ethan rang up x-ray to book a scan for Liam, Ethan saw the red phone that hung up on the wall in the centre of the ED start ringing and Charlie rushing to answer it. He watched as Charlie nodded his head, the expression on his face changing as he received more information before placing it back down on the holder.

"Ok everyone, there has been an accident on the Holby ring road involving several cars and they are requesting a rapid response team." Charlie explained as doctors and nurses emerged from nearby cubicles to hear what was going on and whether or not they were needed including Connie.

"Right, Ethan it's your turn to go out and take Zoe and Rita with you." Connie stated as she grabbed Ethan's file of him so that she could continue treating her patient.

"Are you sure? I...er...I thought it was Cal's turn?" Ethan asked. He knew fine well it was his turn but it would mean having to get into a car and he didn't think he was ready.

"No. He went last time now go and get a move on please." Connie ordered as she watched Rita, Zoe and Ethan hurry to the staff room to get changed and to get the equipment that they would need.

"The rest of you we need all hands on deck. Finish with the patients you already have and clear cubicles as fast as you can. It sounds like we'll be getting a lot of patients from the crash so keep things moving. Any problems come and find me." Connie explained before walking off to go and make sure that Resus was prepped and ready to go.

_**Thank you so much for all your lovely reviews for chapter 1! It means a lot to know that people are backing this story. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and remember to review what you think, suggestions and any questions you may have! Thanks again!**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

As the trio made their way out of the ED, Ethan could see the fast response car waiting for them outside. Zoe and Rita walked towards it without a care in the world as they carried on chatting about something they had seen on the television the previous night. Ethan, however, froze in the doorway of the ED and stared wide-eyed at the car he was expected to get into. He stood and took a deep breath trying to pluck up the courage to walk towards it. Even this scared him.

"Ethan, come on!" Zoe shouted as she turned around to see the young doctor dawdling in the doorway. She had no idea what he was doing but it didn't look to be anything productive. Did he realise that they were in a hurry?

"Yes...er...sorry!" Ethan spluttered as he finally managed to make his legs work and he walked nervously towards the car. Ethan watched as Rita got into the back of the car shutting the door behind her. Ethan felt jealous of how easily she could just get in the car.

"Front or back?" Zoe asked simply as she stood next to Ethan who had managed to finally reach the car but he wasn't listening to a word that Zoe was saying. Instead he stood with his eyes wide in terror, his mouth bobbing open and closed like a fish, unable to get what he wanted to say out.

"Ethan! Come on! What's wrong with you?" Zoe asked as she took a step towards Ethan who had started backing away from the car without even realising.

"You haven't been in a car since the accident have you?" Zoe asked as she put the pieces together. It explained why he was reluctant to get in the car and why he had suddenly started walking to and from work every day.

"No. I...I can't do it Zoe." Ethan stuttered as he looked at the car then to Zoe. He had no idea what to do. He was petrified of getting in the car but he didn't want to let the team down. He knew there were patients waiting for him but he just couldn't do it.

"Yes you can Ethan. You're brave and strong." Zoe said gently as she grabbed hold of Ethan's arm to show her support. She knew this must be really difficult for Ethan to admit but they needed him and he would have to get back in a car eventually.

"No I'm not. How can I be brave when I'm afraid of getting in a car?" Ethan asked as tears began to rise in his eyes behind his glasses. Zoe looked in his eyes and could see the fear that was swirling around in them. All the bad memories from the crash.

"Look, why don't you give this one a miss. If you go in and explain to Connie I'm sure she'll let you stay in the ED and someone else can come with us." Zoe explained. She felt really bad for Ethan but time was ticking and they really needed to get going. She could see Rita pointing at her wrist from in the car.

"No! I don't want anyone to know!" Ethan shouted as he turned back to Zoe. He had to make a decision and quickly. He could either man up and get in the car and do his job with only Zoe knowing his secret or go back in and have everyone find out his secret.

"Ethan you need to make a decision otherwise I'll have no choice but to go and get Connie. She'll expect us to be on our way." Zoe said quickly and she could Ethan weighing out all the options in his head.

"I'll come." Ethan whispered as he looked back at the car. He could see Rita waiting in the back and knew that if it was going to happen then it had to be now.

"Are you sure? It's ok to be afraid and to wait until another day." Zoe asked. She didn't want Ethan to feel pressurised into going.

"I'm sure. I need to do it someday." Ethan said as he forced out a weak smile before looking down at the ground. He couldn't believe what he was doing. Zoe explained how she would ask Rita to sit in the front so that they could sit in the back. Zoe had no idea how Ethan would react once he was in the car and wanted to be able to keep an eye on him.

"Ready?" Zoe asked as Rita closed the passenger door and Zoe and Ethan both climbed in the back of the car, closed the doors and slowly the car pulled away.

_**Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews and follows so far – it means a lot to know you are reading and enjoying this. I hope you enjoyed this chapter as I enjoyed writing it. I couldn't decide whether to have Rita or Zoe to talk to him as they both seemed to fit but I decided Zoe purely because she was kinda brought back to try and put the ED back together and stuff. Anyways, remember to review! **_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

Fear had froze Ethan to his seat. He didn't dare move. He didn't know where to look. If he looked out of the window he felt sick and if he looked in the car it just reminded him of being trapped. He could feel Zoe watching him out of the corner of his eye and he really wanted to turn round and tell her to stop the car and let him out.

"Ethan, we're going to be fine." Zoe said reassuringly as she turned to look at him fully. She could see him turning his head frantically, his breathing getting quicker. She glanced into the front of the car and saw Rita chatting away with the driver.

"I don't like it. I want to get out." Ethan said panicking as he turned to Zoe, the fear more obvious in his eyes than ever before.

"Ethan, look at me. I'm here. We're going to be fine." Zoe said calmly and reassuringly to the young doctor who looked like a scared child. She could see his hands shaking.

"Why don't you put the window down a bit and see if that helps?" Zoe suggested watching as Ethan fumbled around clumsily with the buttons on the door until she finally heard the window slide down. Zoe saw Rita turn around to look at Ethan then to Zoe looking confused.

"Is he alright?" Rita asked worryingly as she looked at Ethan, his face pale and clammy.

"Yeah, he's just a bit travel sick." Zoe explained as she smiled at Rita who seemed to believe what she had said and didn't continue with any more questions much to her and Ethan's relief.

Zoe watched nervously as Ethan breathed in the fresh air deeply as he tried to keep his breathing under control. Zoe knew that this was going to be a long journey. She had no idea that Ethan was so scared of getting back into a car. She understood fully why he is so scared but he had done such a good job of hiding it from everyone.

"Does Cal know about this?" Zoe asked as the thought crossed her mind. Surely Cal would have noticed something since they live in the same house together and they are brothers after all. Zoe waited patiently for an answer but Ethan didn't reply.

"Ethan, he needs to know. He'll be able to help you." Zoe explained.

"No. Please. Don't tell him. No one can know about this." Ethan pleaded desperately. He felt embarrassed about it all and didn't want anyone else to find out. He wanted to tackle it alone. Suddenly, Ethan felt the car speeding up around him, the scenery going by quicker than before. He looked out the window and realised that they had left the city roads and were on the motorway circling round the city towards the ring road where the accident was. He really did want to be out of the car now. It was on a motorway that they crashed.

"Zoe, let me out. Please. Make it stop." Ethan spluttered as he fiddled with his seatbelt trying to unfasten it but his fingers were all in a fumble and he couldn't get them to work.

"No, Ethan! Stop!" Zoe exclaimed as she leant over towards Ethan and grabbed hold of his hands to prevent him from unclipping his seatbelt. "You need to calm down!" Zoe could feel his pulse getting faster and his breathing was getting rapid and uncontrollable.

"Ethan, breath. Deep breaths in...and out!" Zoe said as she breathed along with Ethan trying her best to get him to calm down. Zoe hadn't noticed that everyone in the car had gone quiet but as Zoe looked out of the window she could see the crash site ahead and knew that they would soon be out of the car.

"Ethan look we're almost there. Just a few seconds longer. " Zoe explained as Ethan fidgeted uncomfortably in his seat. He could feel the car slowing down but it wasn't slowing down quick enough. He needed to get out. He felt like he was going to be sick at any moment, his head swirling with thoughts and memories of the crash, the pain he felt and how scared he was. He shut his eyes tightly, his hands still being held by Zoe and it wasn't until the car had come to a halt that she let go. She watched concerningly as Ethan frantically unclipped his seat and rushed out the car leaving the seatbelt dangling and the door wide open. He raced to the side of the road where he leaned himself up against the tree and tried to compose himself. He had never been so petrified in all his life.

_**Thank you so much for all the reviews so far! Hope you enjoyed this chapter as I had a lot of fun writing it thinking about different reactions Ethan could have as well as Zoe. Please keep the reviews going as they make me keep writing and it is nice to know whether you think I am capturing the characters well and suggestions are welcome!**_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5:**

A few minutes had passed as Ethan leant against the tree trying with all his might not to be sick and to pull himself together. He had watched as Zoe and Rita had got out of the car and rushed over to the crash scene and he knew he had to join them. He walked back to the car and collected his medical bag and walked over to the mash of cars.

"Ethan I need you over here!" Iain shouted. Ethan followed the voice and could see it was coming from the car that seemed to be the worst affected. It was on its side in the centre of the road, two other cars had clearly bashed into it and another car into the back of them. Ethan could hear the sound of sobbing around him, people moaning in pain and he could feel his chest getting tight again.

"Dr Hardy!" Iain shouted again as he brought Ethan back to the present. He rushed over and knelt down next to the paramedic and could see several people in the car. In the back he could see two children, a teenage girl and a young boy who must only be about eight years old. They were both in silent tears huddled together but didn't seem to badly hurt. He assumed the man and the woman in the front were their parents.

"This is Mark Miller. He's been unconscious the whole time and has a large wound in his side from a shard of glass. We think it's punctured his lung as his breathing is very uneven." Iain explained as he applied more pressure to the wound to try and get the bleeding uncontrollable but the white pad was rapidly turning a deep red. "The fire brigade won't be able to gain access to the front of the car for another 20 minutes. We're going to get the kids out through the boot as they luckily only have minor injuries." Iain said as he nodded to the boot that was almost open, the fire brigade working away at it as quickly as possible.

"Ethan, are you ok?" Iain asked concerningly as he looked at the doctor expecting him to give him orders about what to do to help the patient. He was after all here to help. But as Iain turned to Ethan he could see that he had become pale, his left hand raised and placed over his chest and a look of discomfort was etched across his face.

"I'm...I'm fine." Ethan said distractedly as he slowly got up and walked away from the car, his breathing once again becoming rapid as he battled to keep it under control. He felt guilty for walking away but he just couldn't do it. It was too much for him. In the distance he could hear Iain calling him but Ethan just carried on walking away until he was out of the crash scene and propped himself up against one of the ambulances. He slid down onto the floor, tears building up in his eyes. He couldn't believe what a mess he was in.

_**Just a few things to say. Firstly, thank you so much for the amazing reviews and suggestions – once again they mean a lot and keep me going and the suggestions always inspire me with new ideas. Secondly, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! And lastly, I've got a rather busy weekend and don't know if I'll have time to write a new chapter even though I will try my best but it may not happen until Sunday afternoon/Monday evening! Thank you for all your support!**_


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6:**

Several minutes had passed and Ethan was still slouched on the ground, his back resting on the ambulance. He had noticed that Iain had to get Zoe to take over his patient and that Iain would have told Zoe what had happened meaning it would only be a moment of time before Zoe came to talk to him. He had managed to stop himself from crying for now but he could still feel the tears bubbling in his eyes ready to seep out at any moment again.

Once again Ethan got lost in thought and stared into space as he sat by the ambulance. He couldn't stop repeating the crash over and over in his mind. It was all he could think of.

"Ethan?" He heard a quiet voice say and he could tell that it was full of concern. He looked up and saw Zoe emerge from behind the ambulance and she paused briefly to look at him where she could see the tear stains on his face before kneeling down and joining him on the ground.

"What happened?" Zoe asked as she looked at Ethan. She had never seem him so broken before and she was desperate to try and help him.

"All I could think of was the crash. All I can imagine is the car rolling over, the sound of everyone screaming." Ethan whispered, fresh tears falling down his face.

"Ethan, I want you to go back to the ED." Zoe said. He was no use to them out here. All it was doing was reminding him of the crash and it wasn't doing anyone any good.

"How? I can't get back in the car Zoe, I can't." Ethan sobbed and Zoe wondered how they were actually going to get Ethan back to the ED. She knew that she couldn't let him go back in the fast response car with only the driver. He would need someone to keep an eye on him and Zoe and Rita were both still busy with patients.

"Listen, I'll have a word with Iain and Dixie and see if you can have a ride back with them in the back of the ambulance." Zoe explained hoping that Ethan would at least consider this option. At least this way someone will be able to keep an eye on him and by being in the back of the ambulance he wouldn't have to be looking out of a window.

"No! I don't want anyone else to know." Ethan pleaded but he knew he was fighting a losing battle. He knew deep down that Zoe was right.

"Ethan, it's the only way. I'm sorry. If it helps I'll only tell Iain." Zoe explained and she watched as Ethan nodded reluctantly before Zoe walked off to explain the situation to Iain whilst Ethan tried to sort himself out ready for the ride back to the hospital. Ethan watched as Zoe walked back with Iain who opened the ambulance doors ready so Ethan could make himself comfortable and so Dixie could load the next patient into the large yellow vehicle.

"Ethan, when you get back to the ED say that we are almost finished here and thought they could do with the extra hands in the ED." Zoe explained and Ethan nodded his head in agreement. At least that way they didn't have to find out the real reason. "Just stay calm and everything will be ok." Zoe said reassuringly before rushing back to the crash scene as she could hear Rita calling her.

"Ready?" Dixie asked as she appeared out the back of the ambulance, the patient secured and ready to go. Iain watched as Ethan shakily clambered his way into the back of the ambulance and sat in the seat nearest the door, furthest away from any windows. Iain followed suit taking his place next to the patient and before Ethan knew it they were off.

_**Hello! So I've found some spare time to update! Thank you once again for all the lovely reviews and suggestions and I hope you enjoy this chapter!**_


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7:**

As the ambulance set off on its journey back to the hospital Ethan stared at the yellow doors next to him. He couldn't bring himself to do anything else, frozen with fear as the ambulance zoomed down the road. Ethan could hear the sirens and could only imagine how fast they were flying down the road dodging in and out of the traffic.

Iain glanced over at Ethan who hadn't said a word since getting into the ambulance. In fact, he hadn't even moved. Iain had no idea what to say or do. He didn't know whether to talk to him to try and distract or just leave him as he was. Luckily, the patient that was in the back of the ambulance with them was stable despite being unconscious and should remain in that state until they reach the ED meaning that Iain would be able to keep a good eye on Ethan. Zoe had told him about how he tried to open the car door on the way and he really didn't want him to do that in the ambulance.

The ambulance turned round a corner at quite a speed and Ethan began to feel sick. He had never really been travel sick before but being in the back of an ambulance sometimes got the better of him. He focused himself on trying not to be sick but all the weaving in and out of traffic was not helping.

"I...I think I'm going to be sick." Ethan announced as he turned around to look for a sick bowl. Fortunately Iain grabbed one and shoved it at Ethan just in time as the contents landed in the cardboard bowl.

"Are you ok?" Iain asked concerningly as he looked at Ethan. All the colour had drained out of his face and he could see tears building up in his eyes.

"All I can think about is the crash. What if it happens again? What if the ambulance crashes?" Ethan asked worryingly as Iain moved further towards Ethan with a box of tissues so that he could sort himself out.

"Ethan look at me. The ambulance won't crash ok? We're going to make it back to the ED in one piece." Iain said reassuringly as he disposed of the sick bowl and got another one at hand just in case.

"But you don't know that. It happens though doesn't it? You hear about it on the news that an ambulance has crashed and there is nothing to stop it from happening to this one." Ethan explained frantically, his heart beat becoming rapid once again, his breaths getting shorter and more frequent.

"Ethan you need to calm down." Iain said calmly as he turned in his seat so that his full body was looking straight at Ethan who was once again staring at the bright yellow doors in the back of the ambulance.

"Let me out." Ethan said quietly in between breathes before looking at Iain. He could see the solid fear in his eyes leaving Iain even more concerned. He had seen people with fear like this in the army from being scared of gunfire and grenades.

"I can't. We're nearly at the hospital just a few more minutes." Iain said as he looked at Ethan. It was going to be more than a few minutes but he needed something to try and keep him there but it wasn't working. A few minutes was a few minutes too long.

"No, Iain, please. I need to get out. I can't do this." Ethan gasped as his breathing got worse. He unclipped his seatbelt and began to reach for the door. Iain grabbed hold of his arms knocking the fresh sick bowl to the ground.

"Is everything ok back there?" Dixie shouted from the driver's seat. She could hear a commotion of some kind but she didn't know what it was as she was too busy concentrating on her driving.

"Dix, pull over a second please!" Iain shouted back, his voice slightly muffled as he fought to keep Ethan under control. He was struggling about in the seat like a child in a tantrum trying to free his arms so that he could get out, his breathing still all over the place.

As Iain felt the ambulance come to a halt he let go of Ethan's wrists. Ethan pounced straight on the yellow doors and swung them open as quickly as he could before stepping out of the ambulance into the fresh air. He looked around and could see that they were now off the ring road and the motorway but were still about 10 minutes away from the hospital.

"Ethan, we need to go!" Iain exclaimed as he leant out of the ambulance to look for Ethan. He watched as Ethan turned to look back at the ambulance and Iain could tell from his face that he wasn't getting back in.

"I can't do it. I'll walk back." Ethan said before taking a deep breath. He knew fine well how stupid it must seem that he is willing to walk all the way back to the hospital but he just couldn't get back in the ambulance.

"Ethan, it's still 10 minutes away in this, never mind walking!" Iain exclaimed as he looked at Ethan but he knew he was fighting a losing battle. He watched briefly as Ethan set off on his walk back to the ED before closing the ambulance doors and retaking his seat.

"Where's Ethan?" Dixie asked as she turned to see if they were ready to leave.

"He felt travel sick and says that he'll walk back to the ED." Iain explained but he could tell his voice was full of concern. He watched as Dixie turned and set off on their journey back to the ED but as she turned around Iain saw her face and he knew that she was suspicious of where Ethan had really gone. But all Iain was concerned about now was Ethan and wondered if he would be ok.

_**Hello! So I got really into this story when I wrote the last chapter so I've decided to write another. I hope you enjoyed it! Also, thank you for all the reviews for the last chapter, they were all so kind. Hoping to bring Cal into the story soon. Feel free to leave any suggestions as I will take them into consideration and remember to review and let me know what you think!**_


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8:**

Walking along the path Ethan was lost in his own thoughts. Cars, lorries and taxis whizzed past without him knowing. He narrowly avoided bumping into people on the footpaths on several occasions and he wasn't really paying any attention to where he was going. He was going wherever his feet took him.

He felt ashamed. Ashamed of himself. He couldn't believe that he didn't get back into the ambulance. He should have felt safe in the ambulance because they help people yet he felt more scared than ever. He hoped that not looking out of the window might help as he wouldn't have to see the world rushing past outside, the blurriness of trees and houses. But it didn't work. He could still feel the movement of the ambulance and that was enough to bring all the memories come rushing back. The screeching of the breaks, the sound of shattering glass, piercing screams that sent shivers down his spine. Then it all went black. He genuinely thought he was going to die. Ethan remembered the other car coming as he turned to look at it and he knew there was nothing he could do. He was so scared.

Since the crash he hadn't spoke about what had happened with anyone apart from when he had to give a statement to the police. He didn't feel able to talk to anyone. Ash had left and even when he was there he was too angry to talk to. He had considered Tess previously but decided not to. It's not that she isn't kind or caring but he just wouldn't feel comfortable as they don't really have personal conversations with each other. Then there's Connie and Lily. He decided against Connie for obvious reasons what with her sarcastic attitude and her busy work schedule. He didn't think she would care. Then since Honey things had become a bit awkward between himself and Lily and he didn't know how it would go as it rare for Lily to express any emotions. He didn't feel he could talk it through with someone who wasn't there. They didn't experience it. They didn't know what it was like to be there. So that left Ethan with only himself.

As he walked along the road slowly edging his way towards the ED, his thoughts wandered to Connie. What would she say about him not helping at the crash scene then jumping out of an ambulance half way back to the ED? Ethan didn't think she would be too impressed. What if she gives him a warning? What if he gets sacked? His thoughts were getting carried away once again.

Stopping in his tracks Ethan took a deep breath and looked around to see where he was. He realised that he wasn't too far away from the hospital, just round a few corners then he would be there. However, as he was about to set off and continue on his journey he felt himself freeze to the spot. He didn't want to go to the ED. He would have to help with the aftermath of the crash. What if he had to treat the man he left at the scene and his family? What if they didn't make it? It would be his fault for not helping. What if Zoe or Iain tells everyone about his secret and they all know? What if they tell Cal?

After a few moments of letting his thoughts run away he finally managed to move and continue reluctantly on his walk to the ED. He had told himself that the quicker he got there then the less chance there would be that anyone would notice he was late back. After all nobody had told the ED that he was even on his way back yet so they wouldn't be expecting him.

However, as Ethan rounded the corner into the hospital he could see the ED emerging and becoming clearer as he walked closer to it. He could see the automatic doors opening and closing as people walked in and out. He had no idea how long it had been since he had left Iain and Dixie. Would Zoe and Rita be back? Would they have had to reveal the truth? He had no idea how long he had been walking back to the hospital for.

As Ethan stood and stared at the ED trying to psyche himself up to step inside and come face to face with the hustle and bustle that awaits him, he was distracted by an ambulance speeding past before coming to a steady halt outside the automatic doors. Ethan watched as he saw Iain and Dixie clamber out of the ambulance. They had obviously dropped off the patient Ethan had left them with and gone back to the crash site. Ethan observed as they pulled the trolley out of the ambulance and as Ethan edged his way forward to get a better look he recognised the patient. It was the man from the car. The one Ethan had abandoned. He was unconscious and wasn't breathing. Ethan gasped before turning quickly around and hurrying away from the ED. It was all too much for him. What if the man wasn't as lucky as he was and died? Ethan gasped as he tried to get his breath back but it wasn't working. He could feel his chest getting tighter and tighter, his breaths getting shorter and shorter, his head becoming light. He stopped round the corner from the hospital in a narrow side street bent over, his hands resting on his knees before sliding onto the ground.

_**Hello! So, I wasn't going to upload this chapter until tomorrow but I had so much fun writing it that I couldn't wait. It would have been up earlier but I rewrote the end of it as a review from Sunsetstargazer gave me an idea so I had to change it for it to fit in! I know there is no monologue in this chapter but I hope you still enjoyed it and got an insight into how Ethan is feeling and what he is thinking. Thank you for all the reviews so far, they certainly motivate me and give me inspiration! Keep the reviews and suggestions coming! Hoping to update again Wednesday/Thursday! **_


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9:**

The red automatic doors slid open as Zoe and Rita entered the hectic ED. The waiting room was full to the brim with patients waiting to be seen, the reception desk being swarmed by anxious relatives trying to find out about their loved ones. As Zoe and Rita made their way to the staff room to get changed, Zoe was stopped by Cal.

"Where's Ethan?" Cal asked casually to Zoe who shifted nervously on the spot. After Ethan left the ambulance Iain rang Zoe to tell her what had happened. She had tried ringing Ethan herself but he didn't answer and she had no idea where he was. She didn't know whether to tell Cal or just give it a bit longer to see if Ethan turned up.

"He...er...he had to pop somewhere quickly on the way back." Zoe said trying to sound casual in the hope that Cal would believe her. She wanted to give Ethan just a little bit longer to get back and if he didn't then she would go out and look for him herself. It was the only way to keep his secret hidden.

"Where?" Cal asked confusingly as he looked at Zoe who was awkwardly brushing her hand through her hair. She hated lying to people.

"I don't know. He didn't say." Zoe said but she knew it wasn't working. Cal knew his brother and knew that he wouldn't 'pop somewhere' during his shift and even if he did he was bound to tell his brother about it.

"Come on Zoe, where is he?" Cal asked again, this time a hint of seriousness in his voice. Zoe thought back to when Dr Knight and Dr Hardy started and how they didn't get on whatsoever. Then she thought back to them now and how close they are and how they are actually getting on, having fun with each other and always looking out for each other.

"My office." Zoe said as she pulled Caleb up the stairs at the end of the corridor towards the direction of her office. She didn't know how Cal was going to react and didn't want any attention to be drawn to them and she didn't want anyone to overhear and know about Ethan's secret. At least her office was private with no chance of anyone barging in. Since Ash had left Zoe had the office to herself.

As the duo entered Zoe's office she shut the door quietly behind her, pausing whilst she took a deep breath before turning to look at Cal who was beginning to look rather worried about why he had been brought here.

"Zoe what's going on?" Cal asked nervously as he looked at Zoe. He could see her trying to work out the best way to explain what had happened but Cal was growing frustrated and just wanted her to spit it out.

"This morning on the way to the shout Ethan freaked out about getting in the car." Zoe said as she took a pause. She didn't know how to explain what had happened. She looked at Cal, his face etched with confusion about what Zoe was saying.

"I had to talk him into getting in the car but he was a mess all the way there. He said he hadn't been in a car since the accident and ended up having a panic attack." Zoe explained as Cal stood frozen to the spot looking directly at Zoe urging her to carry on.

"When we got there he went to help Iain but he couldn't do it. It reminded him too much of the crash so I told him to come back in the ambulance with Iain but half way back he got out saying that he would walk back." Zoe explained further as Cal slowly sat himself down on the sofa in the corner as he took in what Zoe had just said to him.

"So where is he now?" Cal asked quietly as he thought of his brother being out there all alone scared out of his mind. What if he had had another panic attack? What if something had happened?

"I don't know. I've tried calling him but there is no answer." Zoe said as she too sank into a seat opposite Cal. She felt bad for talking Ethan into getting in the car. If she had just listened to him when he said that he didn't want to get in then none of this would have happened.

"I need to find him." Cal said sounding determined as he shot up, taking large strides towards the door. He couldn't believe that Ethan had let himself get into such a state. Why didn't he tell Cal that he was scared about getting back into a car?

"Cover for me." Cal said as he swung open the office door leaving it wide open behind him as he dashed down the stairs leaving Zoe with no time to object as he snuck out the ED to find his younger brother.

_**Hello! So Cal is now aware of Ethan's secret thanks to Zoe but how will Ethan take it? Will Cal make it in time? I've just started a new college course so I'm going to be rather busy with work but I'm aiming to update this story twice a week (probably a Wednesday and either a Saturday/Sunday) but if I get any spare time then I will try to update it even more. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and please remember to review what you thought and any suggestions/improvements! **_


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10:**

Running out of the ED Cal looked around frantically for any signs of Ethan. He had no idea where to start looking. He could be anywhere. As Cal brushed his hands through his hair he thought deeply about where he should look for his younger. He got his phone out of his pocket and rang Ethan's number but there was no answer so Cal decided to follow the streets that lead towards the crash site in case Ethan was still walking back. He thought about the most direct route, the one that Ethan was most likely to take and set off.

As Cal walked around the corner and down the street he began to realise that it was quite chilly outside in just his work trousers and t shirt. He had left his jumper behind in the rush but he wasn't going back for it now. He had to find Ethan. His mind and thoughts started to wander. He was really worried about Ethan. He had no idea where he was or what state he would be in when he finds him. He hoped that he would be ok. He remembered when Charlie told them the news about the crash and how his stomach sank and he felt incredibly sick with worry. He couldn't believe that he had nearly lost him. It wasn't until that point that he realised how much he loved Ethan and didn't want to be without him.

When they were both children they were really close, always playing with each other and they were basically inseparable. That is until Cal left for university. Cal tried to come back to see Ethan and his Mum as often as he could but he got too caught up in university life that visits got less and less frequent, phone calls decreased and became rare. Ethan ended up having to live at home whilst at university to look after their Mum and had on many occasions asked for Cal's help but he always replied with he was busy. Cal wishes he had been there more for them both. He was so selfish but there is nothing he can do to change it now other than be there for Ethan.

It wasn't until their Mum died that Cal realised that he had missed out on so much time with her. Time and memories that he would never be able to get back. That's when he decided to move back to Holby to be with Ethan. He knew it wouldn't be easy which it wasn't at the start but he didn't want the same to happen between him and his brother, especially when Cal thought back to when they were younger and how close they used to be.

As Cal got to the end of the street he looked up and down to see if he could see any signs of Ethan but he couldn't. The only person he could see was an elderly man at the far end of the street walking a small brown dog. He decided to turn left and tried to call Ethan's phone again but once again there was no answer.

Cal could feel himself getting more annoyed. He was annoyed at Ethan for not telling him, annoyed with himself for not noticing, annoyed with Zoe for persuading him to get into the car and annoyed with Iain for letting him get out. If Iain had managed to keep him there then he would have been back at the ED already and Cal wouldn't be out searching the streets for him. But if Zoe hadn't persuaded him to face his fear and let him stay behind then he wouldn't have been in this situation at all.

Walking down the street Cal was getting increasingly desperate. All he wanted to do was find his brother and check if he was ok. Cal was feeling increasingly cold and could feel goosebumps forming on his arms and he rubbed them with his hands to try and keep them warm. He decided to give Ethan another call. He shakily pressed the call button and placed the phone to his hear. All he could hear was the repetitive dialling tone. He let out a sigh. However, as Cal pulled the phone away he could hear in the distance the tinkle of a tune. A ring tone. He looked up and in the distance he could see a figure slumped on the floor against a wall. He strained his eyes and could make out a green uniform and a yellow reflective coat. Ethan.

_**Hello! I hope you enjoyed this chapter as I enjoyed writing it. You will have noticed that I have put in a bit of background information about Ethan and Cal growing up which is all completely made up by me so I have no idea if that is actually what happened or not as I can't remember if we have ever been told! Anyways, please remember to review with thoughts and any suggestions! Thank you!**_


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11:**

Running over to his little brother he could see the tears falling down his face, his head back against the wall as he looked up at the sky. Cal slowly sat down on the floor next to Ethan and looked at him. He didn't expect him to be in such a mess.

"Ethan?" Cal said quietly but he didn't get a response from Ethan. Cal listened to his breathing and it didn't seem to be too bad despite the panic attacks he had been having.

"Ethan, look at me. What happened?" Cal said gently hoping that Ethan would turn to look at him or even register that he was there but nothing happened. Ethan continued to stare up at the sky. Cal gently grabbed hold of one of his hands and held it in his own. He could instantly feel the coldness of it in his hand and wondered how long he had been sitting here.

"What happened?" Cal asked again and this time Ethan moved his head to look at his brother. He could see the worry and panic in his eyes but he didn't know what to say. He didn't want him to find out what had happened.

"It doesn't matter." Ethan said and attempted to turn his head away but as he tried he winced in pain. During his panic attack he had accidently hit his head on the wall and he didn't want Cal to find out otherwise it would only make him fuss even more. He just wanted to be alone.

"Yes it does. It must matter otherwise you wouldn't be sat out here in the cold crying. You would be back at hospital doing your job." Cal explained hoping that Ethan would explain but it wasn't happening, Ethan just sat in silence.

"Was it to do with the crash?" Cal asked. He didn't want to tell Ethan that Zoe had told him and wanted him to tell him himself but he knew Ethan too well. He wouldn't.

"I said it doesn't matter." Ethan repeated causing Cal to let out a sigh. He knew the only way that Ethan would admit what happened is to tell him that Zoe told him everything but he knew that he would not be happy about it and that it would probably make the situation worse but Cal felt like he had no choice. He couldn't think of anything else to do.

"Listen, I don't want you to be angry or anything but I know what happened." Cal said nervously as he looked at Ethan who turned slowly to look at Cal, fearful at what he was going to say.

"I know what happened in the car, at the scene and in the ambulance." Cal said reluctantly as he looked down at the floor. The look of hurt and betrayal in Ethan's eyes was too much.

"Zoe told you didn't she?" Ethan said, a hint of anger beginning to form in his voice. Ethan watched as Cal nodded his head.

"I told her not to tell anyone! Why does she have to have such a big mouth?" Ethan shouted as he looked back up at the sky. He knew he should never have told her. It was none of her business to start with. When Connie asked him to go he should have just said that he didn't feel well but no, Zoe persuaded him to get into the car. None of this would have happened if it wasn't for her.

"It's not her fault. She was only doing what she thought was right. She was worried when I said you hadn't come back as she expected you to be there." Cal explained trying to calm Ethan down but it wasn't working. He could see his brother starting to shake, his jaw clenched.

"I don't care. She had no right. I told her to keep it quiet." Ethan said angrily as he looked at Cal. He knew he should have told his brother himself but he didn't want him constantly breathing down his neck and checking up on him. He wanted to deal with this himself. Ethan started to get up from the ground. He needed to go and find Zoe and talk to her.

"Ethan hang on!" Cal asked as he quickly got up off the floor. He had noticed that Ethan had some blood on the back of his head and he wanted to know where it had come from. He jogged after his brother who had ignored him and carried on walking down the street.

"Ethan, what happened to your head?" Cal asked concerningly as he gently got hold of Ethan's head and tilted it gently forward so that he could see the wound better. There was a large looking lump on the back of his head, a cut at the centre of it.

"I knocked it on the wall." Ethan said as he looked down at the ground.

"This happened during a panic attack didn't it?" Cal asked seriously as he knelt down slightly to look Ethan in the eye. He watched as Ethan nodded. Cal had no idea that the panic attacks had been so serious.

"Ethan, we need to get this checked out." Cal said gently as he placed both of his hands on Ethan's shoulders. He knew it wasn't going to be easy to talk him into getting treatment. Doctors always made the worst patients.

"No. I'm not going to the hospital. It's fine." Ethan said quickly before setting off on his walk away from the hospital. In truth, his head was aching and quite painful but he really didn't want to go to the hospital. By the time they get back Zoe would have told everyone else and Ethan didn't want their pity. He just wanted to carry on like normal but he knew if everyone knew that it wouldn't happen.

"Ethan please!" Cal shouted after him but it was no use. He wouldn't listen.

_**Hello! I hope you enjoy this chapter but I'm not sure if I've kept Ethan and Cal in character or not? What do you think? I'm hoping to update this story again on Wednesday (possibly Monday too if I have time but no promises!) so please let me know what you think and any suggestions! Also thank you for the reviews last chapter. They keep me going!**_


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12:**

Standing on the spot Cal let out a large sigh as he watched Ethan walk off down the street. He had no idea what to do. He didn't know whether to follow him, whether to walk him home and leave him, stay with him, or try and talk him to go to the hospital. He decided that he should at least follow him in case anything happened.

"Ethan, wait up!" Cal shouted down the street as he jogged after his younger brother. He could see him standing at the end of the street at the crossroads and Cal could tell that he didn't know where to go either.

"Please do not try and talk me into anything Cal." Ethan said as his brother came to a halt next to him. Ethan watched as Cal shuffled awkwardly on the spot. He did feel guilty for putting Cal in this position but he just really didn't want to go back to the hospital. He was scared about what would happen and embarrassed about his fear.

"Let me have a proper look at your head." Cal said as he lent forward, gently brushing Ethan's blonde hair around the wound out of the way so that he could get a good look. It would need stitches as it looked quite deep and would need cleaning at least.

"Ethan we need to get this checked out." Cal explained seriously as he looked deep into his brother's eyes. "You know the drill with head injuries and how quickly things can change."

"I know but I don't want to face everyone. They'll all know and will take pity on me." Ethan explained as he looked down at the ground shuffling uncomfortably on his feet. He knew Cal was right.

"They won't know. Zoe only told me and that was only because she was worried about you. She won't have told anyone else." Cal said reassuringly in the hope that Ethan would believe him. He watched as Ethan looked round. Cal thought about how Ethan hadn't looked right since the crash, how his face had never regained its full colour. As he thought about the crash he could feel a lump forming in his throat, all the emotions and worry floating back. He was so scared about losing him.

"Are you sure?" Ethan asked as he looked at Cal. Ethan looked so small and weak and helpless and it reminded Cal of when they were younger. Ethan was always scared of breaking the rules and it was up to Cal to persuade them to do something. Cal would explain that they wouldn't get into trouble and Ethan would always ask that question in the same tone, the exact same look in his eyes.

"I'm sure. Trust me. Let's just get that head wound checked out then we can be out of there." Cal explained resting his hands on Ethan's shoulders.

"Ok." Ethan said quietly, letting out a weak smile for Cal. He had missed having his brother around when he went to university. He had gone from having him in his life all the time to barely not at all. It was left to Ethan to do everything for himself and for their mother. He had slowly adapted to him not being there but now that he was back and they were getting on, it had only just dawned on him how much he had missed Cal and how much he needed him. Especially now.

_**Hello! So this was only a short chapter I know, but I didn't have much time but I couldn't leave you hanging too long from the previous chapter! Anyways, I hope you liked this chapter and remember to review what you thought and any suggestions. Also, thank you for all reviews so far. They mean a lot!**_


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13: **

Walking onto hospital premises Ethan could see the ED in the distance, the red automatic doors sliding open and closed as people went in and out. He was beginning to feel scared again about going into the ED even though Cal had assured him that everything was going to be.

"Cal..." Ethan started as he stopped walking causing his brother to also come to a halt and turn to look at Ethan. Cal could see what colour was left in his face had drained and he could see the tears brimming in his eyes.

"Hey, what did I say? Everything is going to be ok." Cal said gently as he placed his hands on his brothers shoulders and looking deep into his eyes.

"I know but what about Connie?" Ethan asked. He had no idea how long he had been gone for and he knew that everyone was back from the crash. He didn't want to explain to Connie the truth as he was scared about what she would say and do.

"Just say that you had to stop off somewhere on the way back to the hospital and got mugged. That's how you hit your head on the wall. You called me because you were scared in case they come back." Cal said. He knew it was a bad excuse but he knew Ethan wouldn't want her to know the truth and this was the best he could do under the circumstances.

"Ok." Ethan replied quietly before taking a deep breath. He looked up at the ED sign and he could feel his chest getting tighter. He couldn't back away again, he had to go in. He glanced at Cal who was giving him an encouraging smile. Ethan set off walking again towards the entrance, Cal by his side and he waited nervously as the automatic doors slid open welcoming Ethan to the ED. He stepped in and was greeted by the hustle and bustle of the waiting room. The noise was making his head ache even more and he was overwhelmed by the amount of people. There were relatives looking for their loved ones and people who had been made to wait longer because of the crash.

As the duo walked in Cal looked around to see if Connie or Zoe were in sight. He wanted to try and avoid Connie for as long as possible but he also wanted to tell Zoe that he had managed to find Ethan. Cal stood and worked out the best way to get Ethan treated without anyone else finding out and decided that CDU would be quieter than the rest of the ED and there would be less chance of them getting disturbed. They snuck their way down the corridor and through the double doors and past RESUS. Cal made his way up the first few steps on the stairs as he thought it would be quieter than the lift when he stopped. He couldn't find Ethan behind him. He looked down the corridor and could see him standing outside RESUS, his face only a few inches away from the window glass.

"It's him Cal. It's him." Ethan whispered shakily. Cal looked through the window confusingly. He could see a body laid on the bed, Charlie removing the tubes and making him presentable. He turned back to Ethan, his watery eyes glued on the body. "I did that to him. It's my fault."

_**Hello! So I know this chapter is a bit short but never mind! I hope you still enjoyed it. Thank you for all the reviews so far and remember to review this chapter! Also any suggestions are welcomed about what could happen next!**_


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14:**

Peering through the window Cal stared at the body on the bed. He had never seen him before and he wondered how Ethan knew him.

"What do you mean?" Cal asked confusingly as he turned to look at Ethan who's eyes were still fixed on the body.

"I...I did this. I did...didn't help him." Ethan replied slowly as he lifted his hand up to his head. He could feel himself becoming dizzy, his vision becoming blurred. He stumbled back from the window and lent against the wall.

"Ethan? Are you ok?" Cal asked as he rushed over to his brother where he supported him to try and stop him from toppling over.

"Tell me how your feeling." Cal demanded as he held his brother up. He looked at Ethan who's eyes were moving around the corridor confusingly as he tried to understand where he was.

"Ethan, do you know where you are?" Cal asked seriously as he tried to grab Ethan's attention but it wasn't working. He could feel Ethan slipping out of his grasp as his body fell to the floor.

"Ethan! Can you hear me?" Cal shouted as he knelt down next to him on the floor looking at his face. His eyes were closed and he wasn't responding. Cal rummaged around in his chest pocket for his torch and shone it Ethan's eyes and he was relieved when he was that they were responding as they should be. The only issue was trying to get Ethan up to CDU single handed without anyone finding out. He wouldn't be able to lift him by himself. The only person who could help him with this mess would be Zoe but he had no idea where she was and he couldn't exactly leave Ethan to go and find her.

Suddenly Cal heard footsteps approaching the set off doors that they had come through at the end of the corridor and he knew that they belonged to one of two people. The sound of high heels clicking on the floor was getting louder and closer and he knew it was either going to be Zoe or Connie, they were the only people in the ED to wear heels to work. As Cal sat next to Ethan on the floor he prayed that it would be Zoe who walked through the doors, at least that way she would be able to help him and wouldn't have to explain himself and wouldn't risk being sacked. As the footsteps briefly stopped he looked down the corridor and could see the door swinging open. As it did so Cal held his breath, hoping desperately for the familiar face of Zoe Hanna. He looked down at Ethan and the mess that he had got them both into when the set of feet appeared next to him and voice began to speak.

_**Hello, so I know that there are a few of you really enjoying this story and I couldn't possibly make you wait until Wednesday for the next update so I've wrote a mini chapter (sorry for it being so short but it's all I have time for!). I also apologise for the cliff hanger ending but I wanted to save the next bit for the following chapter. But who do you think it is, Connie or Zoe? Write your predictions in your review and what you think should happen next! Anyways, I hope you enjoyed it and remember to leave me a wee review about what you thought! Next update will be Wednesday unless I can squeeze one in tomorrow! Thanks for all the support!**_


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15:**

"Dr Knight, do you care to tell me what is going on?" Connie asked confusingly as she looked down at Cal kneeling on the floor, Ethan laid beside him.

"It's Ethan..." Cal started but he couldn't go on. He couldn't get his words out. He didn't want to be the one to tell Connie as he had no idea how she would react. He had promised Ethan not to tell anyone else and he didn't want to break this promise but he didn't want anything to happen to his younger brother either. "He banged his head earlier on a wall. He was talking then he just went." Cal explained frantically as he tried to get Ethan to respond to him.

"On a wall? How?" Connie asked puzzlingly as she turned to look at Cal before turning back to Ethan to have a quick look at his head wound.

"He...I...I can't say." Cal said quietly. He knew Connie wouldn't be happy about this but he couldn't betray Ethan.

"Right, let's get him into RESUS." Connie ordered. It was the nearest place and would allow them to give Ethan a full examination. Connie had no idea what had happened and really needed answers from Cal but her main priority was Ethan. She couldn't afford to be a doctor down.

"No, wait. Can't we go to CDU instead?" Cal asked. He had seen how Ethan had reacted to the body in RESUS and he really didn't want Ethan to be with him, especially not for him to wake up and for it to be the first thing he would see.

"Why? What's wrong with RESUS?" Connie questioned harshly. She was getting increasingly annoyed with Cal. First he wouldn't explain to Connie what had happened and now he didn't want to go into RESUS.

"It's just...er..." Cal started but he was once again tongue tied as he stared at the body on the trolley, Charlie glancing out of the window trying to see what all the commotion was about.

"Enough Dr Knight. He's going into RESUS and I would appreciate it if you could give me answers about where the pair of you have been and how Dr Hardy has got into this state." Connie snapped as she called Charlie to wheel a trolley out of RESUS and to help lift Ethan onto the trolley and into RESUS.

"Right we need a CT scan as soon as possible please." Connie stated as Charlie went and called to book Ethan in for one. Cal watched frozen to the spot as Connie did her examination of Ethan and cleaned his head wound. He had no idea what to do with himself. He wanted to help but he didn't want to get in Connie's way. He was already in enough trouble with her. He resorted to standing and watching but he couldn't help but keep looking at the body at the other end of the room. He had been covered up and was just a shape under a white sheet but he was desperate to know why Ethan had freaked out so much at the sight of him.

"Charlie, who's that man?" Cal asked as Charlie rummaged around in the plastic drawers looking for dressings for Connie.

"He was involved in the car crash earlier." Charlie explained cautiously as he wondered why Cal was asking at such as time. He thought his full attention would be focused on Ethan.

"Right." Cal said before walking back over to where Ethan was. It still didn't make sense. But then he remembered what Zoe had told him about Ethan panicking at the scene and not being able to treat his patient. That was the man. The man that was trapped and Ethan left. The man that had died and Ethan believes is his fault.

_**Hello! So I've managed to squeeze in a little update! Again it's a bit of a short chapter but I promise next chapter will be longer! Anyways, thanks for all the lovely reviews and suggestions, keep them coming! Next update should hopefully be Wednesday! **_


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16: **

When taking Ethan to have his CT scan, Connie couldn't help but wheel Ethan through the ED in order to get to the lift. Cal had insisted on coming with them and he could feel the eyes of his friends looking and wondering what on Earth had happened but he didn't say anything. He didn't know what to say to them. All he could concentrate on was making sure that Ethan would be ok.

Once they returned to RESUS he waited with Connie for the results of Ethan's CT scan to come through. He hoped that it wouldn't show up with anything serious on it. He had been through too much already.

"Come on Ethan. Don't do this to me again." Cal said quietly as he leant over the railings on the side of the bed and whispered into Ethan's ear. He looked so perfect lying there on the bed. Suddenly, Cal heard a 'ping' coming from the computer symbolising that Ethan's results had come through.

"Good news." Connie said with a smile as Cal rushed over to look at the scan. "It's nothing serious. He's just concussed." She watched as Cal let out a sigh of relief before looking over at his younger brother. He had no idea what he would do if something was to happen to him.

"So it's just a waiting game for him to come round?" Cal questioned even though he knew that was the answer. He just wanted to be sure. Connie nodded her head before turning to Cal. She took him over by the doors away from Ethan and Cal knew that she was going to question him about what had happened.

"I need you to tell me what happened. Either you tell me now or I'll just ask Ethan when he comes round." Connie stated as she looked at Cal. She didn't know why he was being so secretive about what had happened. Cal glanced at Ethan then to the body that was still under the covers waiting to be transferred to the morgue.

"It's not that simple. I promised Ethan I wouldn't say." Cal said even though he knew Connie wouldn't care about a promise that he made.

"I don't care about promises Dr Knight, I just need to know why Dr Hardy didn't arrive back from the RTA and how he got his injury and why you thought it would be ok to go awol in the middle of a shift." Connie said harshly and Cal stood in silence. He could feel Connie's eyes piercing into the top of his head as he stared down at the ground as if she was trying to see into his mind and get the answers for herself.

"You wouldn't understand." Cal finally managed to bring himself to say. He had been thinking about telling Connie but she wouldn't understand. She would just view Ethan as being weak.

"Understand what Dr Knight?" Connie questioned as she continued to stare at Cal. He didn't know how to explain it without getting angry. He knew that she was his boss and was ultimately in charge but she just has no idea about how other people feel and how to support her staff.

"What he's going through." Cal said simply. He didn't want to go into depth with her. It wasn't her business as she had never cared previous to this about how Ethan was feeling other than to know when she could get him back into work. The same with Ash and Cal's thoughts wandered onto how Ash had completely lost it and ended up leaving after Connie suggested leave. He didn't want the same to happen to Ethan.

"What do you mean by that?" Connie asked confusingly as she looked at Ethan then back to Cal. She had no idea what he was talking about.

"Nothing. Just forget it." Cal snapped before turning to walk back to Ethan's side. He knew it was a waste of time trying to get Connie to understand. She obviously hadn't noticed anything different about Ethan. Even though Cal hadn't realised about Ethan's fear he had still noticed that he wasn't back to his usual self but he knew that it would take some time and thought it would be better to give him some space, but at least he had noticed.

"No Cal. I need answers." Connie demanded as she made her way over to where Cal was who had stopped in his tracks on the way back to Ethan. He was beginning to get angry at Connie. Why did she have to keep pushing him for answers? Why couldn't she just leave it? He wasn't even there when it happened.

"Maybe if you actually cared for your staff and took notice of them maybe you would have a bit more of an idea. Not everyone is an emotionless robot like you are, some of us actually have feelings and struggle when things happen to us, but you wouldn't understand that. You just expect to shout orders and for people to follow them. You expect everyone to be perfect at all times like yourself when in reality you're not. You have faults like everyone else but you just can't face up to them and instead make life hell for everyone else." Cal explained sternly as he walked towards Connie. He didn't care about the fact that she was his boss. She needed to be told the truth and no one else was going to.

"How dare you talk to me like..." Connie started to shout back when sounds of coughing appeared from behind them. Cal spun round quickly and dashed over to the bed where he found Ethan starting to come round. He took the oxygen mask off his face and watched eagerly as Ethan's eyes began to flicker open and whirl round the room as he tried to work out where he was.

"Welcome back little bro." Cal said gently as he smiled at Ethan.

_**Hello again! So, I have no medical knowledge so I have no idea if what I have said in this chapter is true medically or not so apologises if it is wrong. Also, when writing this chapter I got thinking about Connie and does she ever call Cal Cal? Or is it always Dr Knight? I ended up letting her call him Cal purely because I getting sick of writing Dr Knight so apologies too if she doesn't actually call him Cal, I can't remember and I don't have time to check! Anyways, enough rambling from me. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and remember to review (thanks for all the amazing reviews so far) and remember to leave me your suggestions for what should happen next and I'll take them into consideration! **_


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17:**

Ethan laid on the bed staring up at the ceiling. He slowly lifted himself up as Cal raised the bed up to a sitting position. Ethan looked around the room and discovered that he was in RESUS.

"It's all ok Ethan. You're just concussed. Nothing serious but you did give us all a fright." Cal said gently but Ethan looked confused.

"Us?" He asked questioningly, a hint of panic in his voice as he wondered who Cal had told.

"Us." Connie said as she stepped forward. She had been hovering by the door letting Cal get Ethan settled first.

"What has Cal said to you?" Ethan asked as he looked at Connie then to Cal who hung his head down.

"Well, he hasn't said anything other than I wouldn't understand what you're going through." Connie said simply as she looked at Ethan hoping that it would encourage him to give her some answers.

"You kept the promise?" Ethan said surprisingly as he turned to look at Cal. He knew Cal had promised but part of him always feels that he wouldn't be able to keep a secret but he had. Ethan didn't know what to say.

"I said I would and I did." Cal said as he looked at Ethan as he squeezed his hand to show his support for him. The brothers smiled at each other before the double doors swung open.

"Sorry to interrupt." Charlie said quietly as he held the doors open. Connie moved herself out of the way as an empty trolley was rolled in by a couple of porters. They all moved over to the bed in the far corner when Cal felt his body freeze. They were coming to take the body to the morgue. He had completely forgotten it was there and so far so had Ethan. Cal needed to think of something to stop Ethan from seeing it but it was too late.

"It's...it's..." Ethan started to stutter as he raised his hand and pointed at the body on the bed. Cal moved in front of Ethan to block what was happening out of his way but it was too late. He had already seen it and it had brought back all the memories of what had happened that day.

"Ethan, calm down." Cal said gently as he tried to get Ethan to breath with him. He reached over to place the oxygen mask on back on his brothers face but he just fought it off like a child.

"I did...I did that." Ethan gasped, his breathing becoming more frantic. Connie so far had been overseeing the removal of the body but the sound of Ethan's breathing drew her back towards her patient.

"Ethan, put this on." Connie said as she too reached for the oxygen mask but before it got anywhere near his face Ethan batted it out of Connie's hand.

"Ethan it will help you breath. You're having a panic attack." Connie said sternly as she tried again but it wasn't working. She didn't understand what had caused this, he was fine a minute ago.

"It...it...was my...fault." Ethan spluttered as Connie looked at him. She had no idea what he was talking about. Why couldn't these brothers just say what they meant straightaway?

"What was your fault?" Connie asked but Ethan was unable to say anything. Instead he sat on the bed with his finger pointing towards the body, his eyes fixed on what was happening. Cal had left his side and was pacing up and down the room. He couldn't believe it was happening again. Connie was going to find out what happened and they were both in for it.

"Did you treat that man?" Connie asked as she tried to piece the actions together. She knew the man had been trapped at the crash site but had suffered major injuries. There was no chance he would have survived. She watched as Ethan shook his head. If he didn't treat him then why was he getting so worked up? She didn't understand what he was trying to tell her.

"So how do you know that man?" Connie asked as she looked over at the body before turning back to Ethan who had managed to calm himself down slightly now that Cal had returned to the side of the bed.

"He...he was trapped." Ethan said shakily as he tried his hardest to get his breathing back under control. He was getting tired from gasping and he needed to tell Connie that it was his fault. He never meant for anyone to die because of him.

"I know that but what has it got to do with you?" Connie asked as her frustration started to increase slightly but she knew she had to be patient.

"I should have helped...I left him." Ethan said as tears began to fall from his eyes, his nose running like a little child who was upset after doing something wrong. He felt guilty for leaving him. If he hadn't then he wouldn't have died.

"What do you mean Ethan?" Connie asked but it was no use. Ethan was sobbing uncontrollably and was unable to answer the question. She looked at Cal to see if he was willing to answer the question but he was stood staring at the ground. He had no idea whether to tell Connie or not. He had promised Ethan but he had started to tell her himself. He had no idea what to do for the best.

"Right, I'm going to find Zoe and see if she can tell me what all this is about." Connie announced before walking over to the door, her heels clicking on the floor before disappearing out of the door leaving RESUS quiet. The only sounds that could be heard where the sobs and sniffles coming from Ethan as Cal tried to comfort him.

_**Hello again! So, Connie still doesn't know but is getting closer. Will Zoe tell her what really happened? What will happen to Ethan and Cal? Will the rest of the ED find out how Ethan has ended up in RESUS? So, thank you so much for all your reviews so far, they keep me going! Remember to leave a review about this chapter and feel free to leave any suggestions about what you would like to happen next!**_


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18:**

Opening the office door Connie barged her way in without knocking. As she closed the door behind her she could see Zoe sitting at her desk, her pen hovering over the paper in front of her as she looked confusingly at Connie. It wasn't like her to come up to Zoe's office. She was normally summoned down to hers.

"What is going on with Ethan?" Connie asked bluntly as she stood in front of Zoe's desk looking straight at her wanting answers. Zoe placed her pen down on the desk as she shuffled nervously in her seat. She had no idea what Connie already knew and she didn't want to drop Ethan and Cal in it.

"Don't try and hide it. I know Cal left without permission and Ethan is currently in RESUS so I suggest you just tell me." Connie explained harshly as she looked at Zoe, her eyes brows raised as she grew impatient waiting for answers.

"RESUS? Why? Is he ok?" Zoe asked worryingly. She had no idea what had happened since Cal left the hospital.

"Concussed but nothing serious. But I need answers." Connie said and Zoe let out a sigh. There was no way she would be able to get out of this one.

"Ethan panicked about getting in the car on the way to the scene so I had to persuade him to get in. Once we got there he couldn't treat his patient as he freaked out so I sent him back in the ambulance but he got out half way back. Cal was looking for him and I thought he had come back but he hadn't so Cal went to look for him and that's all I know." Zoe explained as Connie paced up and down the room. Zoe had no idea how she was going to react. She didn't know if she was going to be understanding, after all she had been involved in the crash that caused all this in the first place but Ethan had gone awol during a shift and had been unable to treat a patient.

"What do you mean he panicked? Why did he freak out? I still don't understand." Connie said annoyingly as she turned to look at Zoe. Why couldn't her staff just give her straight answers?

"He hasn't been in a car since the accident Connie. The man was trapped just like he was and it scared him." Zoe explained as she leant back in her seat.

"Why didn't he tell anyone? I would have sent someone else to the scene." Connie asked. It was more herself thinking out loud but Zoe responded.

"He was scared. He was worried about what people would think so he kept it a secret." Zoe said as she looked at Connie. She wanted her to understand why Ethan didn't say anything so she wouldn't be so harsh on him but it wasn't working.

"He should have said he wasn't coping. This makes him a liability. That man could have died because of him at the scene. I can't have weak staff on my team." Connie stated as she started to pace up and down the room again.

"Weak?" Zoe exclaimed as she sat straight up in her seat. "Are you kidding me?"

"He's a liability. How do I know that he can keep it together in the ED? He was unable to treat a patient and got out of an ambulance half way back to the hospital for God's sake!" Connie shouted. "I need people I can trust on my team."

"No wonder he kept it a secret!" Zoe shouted back as she got up out of her seat and walked over to the window. She peered through the horizontal blinds brushing her hand through her hair in disbelief.

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Connie questioned as she walked towards Zoe who turned to face her, anger swirling in her eyes.

"He knew you would react like this. You don't care about your staff at all do you? You just want them to do what they are told and if not then they're out the door!" Zoe exclaimed. She could see Connie was getting angry and was getting ready to shout back but Zoe couldn't be bothered with it.

"You know what I can't be bothered with this. I'm going to check on Ethan because I actually care about my work colleagues." Zoe said calmly before opening her office door and headed down the stairs towards RESUS.

_**Hello! Feels like ages since I've updated! I hope you enjoy this chapter, took a bit of writing to try and get the reactions write so I hope it's ok. Thank you for all reviews so far so please keep them coming with any suggestions!**_


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19:**

Storming out of her office Zoe thudded her way down the corridor to the lift where she impatiently pressed the button repeatedly in the hope that it would arrive sooner. She couldn't believe what Connie had said. She knew she could be harsh and insensitive but this was something else. Zoe waited angrily as the lift slowly made its way down from the top floor of the hospital when it finally stopped and the doors opened allowing Zoe to enter. As the doors closed again Zoe let out a sigh. She had no idea what she was going to say to Ethan when she arrived downstairs but she would have to warn them about Connie.

The grey metallic doors slid open again revealing the busy ED and Zoe stepped out where she looked around. She was pleased to see that Connie was nowhere in sight and must still be upstairs. Walking through the ED to RESUS, Zoe paused at the doors leading into the room where she peered through and could see Cal leaning over Ethan's bed trying to calm him down. Connie must have been trying to get answers and instead had managed to get him into a state. She slowly opened the door into RESUS as she didn't want to startle the duo and slowly walked over to the pair.

"Has Connie been to see you?" Cal asked as he let go of his brother and turned to look at Zoe. She glanced over at Ethan and could see how small and vulnerable he was looking laid in the bed but she had to tell the truth.

"I had to tell her Cal..." Zoe said quietly and Cal nodded in agreement. He felt guilty for putting Zoe in that position. He should have told Connie but she wasn't giving Ethan the chance to speak and was getting him all worked up.

"How did she take it?" Cal questioned and Zoe didn't know what to say. She didn't want to tell him about how Connie reacted in front of Ethan in case it made him upset again but she needed to warn Cal ready for when Connie would return.

"Over here." Zoe whispered quietly as she pointed discreetly to a corner of the room where they could talk in private. The duo stood in the corner glancing back at Ethan to check that he was ok before Zoe continued.

"She wasn't happy. She thinks Ethan is a liability." Zoe started as Cal rubbed his hand over his face in annoyance. "She thinks he is weak and that she can't trust him."

"What?" Cal exclaimed as she turned to look at one of the walls in the room to try and calm himself down. He couldn't believe what Connie had said about Ethan.

"I thought she would have understood what with being in the crash herself but she seems adamant on being unsympathetic and harsh." Zoe explained before glancing over at Ethan. Zoe hoped that for once in her life Connie would actually be caring and would help and support her staff but once again she was hoping for too much.

"I shouted at her earlier. I told her that she doesn't care about her staff. Obviously she didn't listen to a word of it." Cal said before turning to Zoe. She explained how she had also shouted at Connie before storming out of her office and the duo felt silent. They didn't know what else to do to get through to Connie. They didn't know what else to say or do to try and break her hard exterior.

"How's Ethan doing?" Zoe asked as she glanced over at the bed. She could see Ethan looking over at the duo wondering what they were talking about.

"He's slightly concussed but he's getting there. I just hope Connie isn't too harsh on him." Cal said as he too turned to look at his little brother.

"If you need anything, anything at all you know where I am." Zoe said kindly as she turned to look at Cal who showed his appreciation through a meaningful smile.

"Thanks Zoe. I just don't know what to do to help him." Cal said shakily. All he wanted to do was get his brother better and back to his usual self.

"Just be there for him. Support him and talk to him. It's the little things that make things easier." Zoe explained before turning and heading back towards the RESUS doors. She needed to get back to her office to finish her paperwork before the end of the shift and she really didn't want Connie to moan at her about anything else. She had had enough of that woman for one day.

_**Hello! I was going to upload this last night but settled for tonight instead due to there being no Casualty on TV! So Connie has managed to upset Cal and Zoe! What do you think Connie will do next? Will the words that have been shouted at her be understood and will she soften or will more drastic action have to happen? What do you think should happen? Anyways, thanks for all reviews so far, keep them coming along with suggestions! Enjoy!**_


	20. Chapter 20

_**Firstly, HUGE HUGE HUGE apologises for not updating this story sooner. I had writers block and didn't really know where to take it then it got put to one side as I got really busy. However, a review this morning from a guest motivated me to update it! So, I hope you enjoy it, this is one of my favourite chapters so far!**_

**Chapter 20:**

Ethan was moved to cubicles as RESUS was needed for another emergency that was coming in. As the bed was wheeled through the ED Ethan could feel the eyes of his colleagues looking at him, wondering what had happened. Ethan's eyes were filling with tears. He was scared that they all knew what had happened.

When they arrived at the cubicle Cal pulled the curtains around the duo so that they had some privacy and Cal noticed the tears on his little brother's face.

"Hey, it's going to be ok you know." He said softly as he sat himself on the edge of Ethan's bed picking up one of Ethan's hands and holding it tightly in his own.

"What if I can never get back in a car Cal?" Ethan said quietly as he turned to look at his brother. What if he wasn't able to get over his fear and had to spend the rest of his life walking everywhere?

"You will. It'll just take some time. We'll get help for you and they'll be no need to rush." Cal said supportively as Ethan sighed and took a deep breath. He felt relieved that Cal knew and that he didn't have to keep it a secret from him anymore.

"Ethan?" Cal said quietly as he shuffled around on the bed. He had a question that he had been wanting to ask him since Zoe had told him what had happened but so far he hadn't had the chance.

"Why didn't you tell me you were scared to go in a car?" Cal asked as he looked down at the sheets on the bed. He couldn't look his brother in the eyes as he asked this. He felt like it was his fault that Ethan couldn't tell him. Was he really that much of a bad brother?

"I was scared of what you would say." Ethan said quietly as he pulled himself up on the bed so that he was sat more upright. "I thought you might think I was being stupid and that I'm weak."

"I would never think that about you!" Cal exclaimed as he turned to look at Ethan. Then Cal remembered something from when they were younger that made him smile.

"Do you remember that day we went to the park on our bikes? I must have been about 10 years old and we were riding round and round the duck pond chasing them back into the water with our bikes." Cal started and he watched as Ethan thought about it in his mind and he could see from the look on his face that he too remembered.

"I remember. You went zooming round the corner and when I finally caught up with you, you were laid on the floor crying because you'd fallen off." Ethan continued and Cal smiled.

"Yeah, that's right. One broken arm, a knock to the head and several cuts and bruises. Do you remember how long it took me to get back on that bike?" Cal asked.

"I don't know." Ethan said after sitting and thinking about it for a while. "I remember pestering and pestering you to come out and play with me on your bike but you always made up some excuse."

"I never did get back on the bike. To this day I still haven't been back on a bike." Cal said as he hung head down and once again looked at the blue and white sheets on the bed.

"Really? You've never been back on one?" Ethan said. He couldn't believe that Cal had never been on a bike since. Cal was always the one to bounce back from things and show even more determination if something went wrong.

"Really and if I can't get back on a bike after a fall then it is perfectly acceptable for you not to get back in a car after a crash." Cal said hoping that it will help Ethan understand that he has got nothing to be ashamed of.

"I suppose. But I do want to get back in a car though Cal?" Ethan said. He didn't want to spend the rest of his life avoiding them.

"I know, and in time you will." Cal replied. He was glad that he was finally getting through to his brother and being able to have this chat with him.

"You're right. I just need to be patient. But first, once I'm out of this hospital, we have something we need to do." Ethan said. Cal could see Ethan trying to hide his grin but it wasn't working and Cal had a feeling he knew where this was going.

"We're going to get you back on a bike."

_**The boys are cute aren't they? I hope I got their personalities right. Remember to leave a review of what you think and I'll try my utmost to update this story more regularly! **_


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21:**

Minutes past as Cal and Ethan sat in the cubicle together talking and remembering funny moments from their childhood. Ethan was gratefully to Cal for doing this as it took his mind off what had happened and the fact that he is in hospital under observation where all his work colleagues are wondering what he is doing there as a patient.

As Cal chatted away to Ethan he suddenly fell silent. He could hear the familiar tap of high heels clanking on the floor and he hoped that they belonged to Zoe. They had been too busy talking about other things that Cal hadn't had chance to tell Ethan that Connie knows the truth and that she isn't happy.

"Cal, what's going on?" Ethan said nervously as he looked at his older brother. He had no idea what he was so tense about.

"Look, I was going to tell you but I was just trying to find the right moment. You were so calm and relaxed and I didn't want to spoil that." Cal spluttered trying to defend why he hadn't told Ethan yet but he could tell from the look in his eye that he just wanted to know what he was hiding from him.

"Connie knows the truth. She knows about what happened." Cal said as calmly as possible but he could see the expression change on Ethan's face. He was no longer relaxed but worried about how she had responded.

"You told her?" Ethan shouted. He couldn't believe that Cal would do such a thing, just as they were starting to get on so well.

"It wasn't me Eth, I swear." Cal said frantically. He didn't want his brother to turn his back on him again. It had already happened to many times in the past and he didn't want a repeat performance.

"Who was it then?" Ethan demanded as he sat upright in bed looking Cal straight in the eyes waiting for an answer. Just as Cal was about to open his mouth and reply the curtain to the cubicle flew open.

"There are other patients in this hospital other than you so I'd appreciate it if you could keep the noise down." Connie said harshly as she entered the cubicle, stopping at the end of the bed. She could tell that tensions were high and that she had just walked into a heated debate but she had no idea what it was about.

"Who told you?" Ethan demanded again this time turning to Connie. He could see the cogs turning in her brain as she thought about what he was asking.

"Zoe did. I didn't give her a choice. I needed to know." Connie said simply. She didn't understand why Ethan was getting so worked up about it. The truth would have been revealed sooner or later.

"She had no right." Ethan muttered under his breath as he lent back on the pillows.

"Well I'm glad she did. It means that I can know keep an eye on you to make sure you don't put anymore patients at risk." Connie said. Cal was beginning to feel his blood start to boil.

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Cal asked. He knew his brother was a perfectly capable doctor despite what had happened.

"I'll repeat what I said to Doctor Hanna. He is a liability and I don't want him on my team if he is going to put patients health at risk." Connie said pausing for a moment before turning to leave the cubicle.

"That is bang out of order!" Cal shouted causing Connie to turn around. She wasn't used to people disagreeing and arguing with her, particularly not members of her own team.

"Ethan needs your help and support and instead you tell him he is pretty much out of a job! You're unbelievable!" Cal continued to shout and it wasn't until Charlie appeared that he calmed down.

"Can I remind you both that you are in the middle of an ED with other patients and that this conversation would be better carried out in private." Charlie said calmly as he stood in between the two doctors.

"It's fine Charlie. We have nothing more to say." Connie said simply before turning and heading through the double doors back to her office.

_**So due to my lack of updates I thought I would upload two today to try and make up for it! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. What do you think should happen next? Thanks for all the reviews for the previous chapter, really appreciate them, keep them coming! **_

_**Also does anyone know why Casualty isn't on this Saturday?!**_


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22:**

Settling herself down behind her desk Connie let out a sigh. She couldn't afford to be one doctor down. She knew what she said may be harsh but can't afford any problems with her team. Opening the top draw of her desk Connie pulled out a photo in a wooden frame and she smiled as she looked at the grinning face that stared back at her. She missed Grace so much.

As Connie looked at the image she heard a knock at her office door and out the corner of her eye she saw Charlie entering. He made his way over to her desk in silence and sat himself down in the chair opposite Connie.

"You miss her don't you?" Charlie questioned. He didn't have to ask who was in the frame as he knew it would be Grace. Despite Connie's hard exterior she does care deep down. He's come to realise that she just doesn't quite know how to show it.

"Of course I do Charlie," Connie sighed. "I wish I could just pick her up and give her a great big cuddle." Connie said before giving the little girl in the photo one last glance and placed it back in her top draw.

"Cal told me what is going on." Charlie said simply as he looked at Connie. After she had left the cubicle he asked Cal to explain and Charlie knew that Connie could be harsh but even this is a whole new level for her.

"I know what you're going to say Charlie, that I'm being too harsh." Connie said as she leant back in her chair.

"Well you are. Ethan thought that you would have understood since you were in the crash yourself." Charlie said and he could see Connie staring down at her desk.

"It's not as simple as that Charlie." Connie said, a hint of anger appearing in her voice. Charlie detected the change in atmosphere and he didn't understand why Connie seemed to be making things harder than what they should be.

"How isn't it? Ethan needs your support, not be lectured. Don't you think he feels bad enough as it is?" Charlie snapped back. As much as he liked Connie he really did wish that she wasn't so stubborn and thoughtless sometimes. He looked at Connie who still had her head down looking at the desk, fiddling with her hair like a child who was being told off.

"It's my fault Ethan is in this situation in the first place." Connie said quietly. She couldn't bring herself to look at Charlie as she said but she could feel his eyes piercing into the top of her head.

"How is it your fault? It was an accident wasn't it?" Charlie asked confusingly. He didn't understand how this situation could be Connie's fault.

"It should have been me who was driving. I agreed to drive us there and to pick up the keys for the van but I was too busy to do it so Ethan did instead. If I had done what I said I would and not put the extra pressure on Ethan to get us all there then this wouldn't have happened." Connie explained trying her best to fight back tears. She didn't want to cry in front of Charlie.

"That doesn't make the accident your fault thought." Charlie said but he knew it wasn't working.

"Yes it does. Ethan felt pressure to get us all there on time and when we got lost he panicked and it all went wrong from there. It's my fault. I should have drove like I said I would." Connie said. She could feel Charlie's sympathetic eyes on her. She didn't want his sympathy. It was her fault. She could see Charlie was about to say something but she wasn't in the mood for it.

"Save it Charlie. There's nothing you can say to change my mind." Connie said sternly as she got up out of her seat and made her way out of her office leaving Charlie wondering what on Earth do next.

_**Hello everyone! So, I've put a bit of a twist on what happened…I hope you like it. I'm not sure if I wrote this chapter well as I kept going back and changing it and I'm still not 100% happy but I thought I would let all of you be the judges. Anyways, let me know what you think and any suggestions of what should happen next. Thank you for all the lovely reviews so far, they mean a lot! **_


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23:**

Ethan had nodded off in cubicles, Cal still sat on the end of his bed. He didn't want to leave his brother in case something happened to him. He had almost lost him once before and he didn't want anything to happen to him now. Cal smiled at how peaceful Ethan looked whilst he slept, he looked just like he did when he was younger with his mass of blond hair and childish face. As Cal thought back to how they used to be when they were boys he heard the cubicle curtain opening behind him then a hand appear on his shoulder.

"Dr Knight can I have a word please?" Connie said as Cal turned round to look at her. Suddenly Cal felt a feeling of fear build up inside him and he instantly thought that it was something bad to do with Ethan.

"Is everything alright?" Cal asked nervously as he pulled the curtain back so Ethan could sleep in peace. He shuffled awkwardly on his feet as he waited for Connie to speak.

"Do I have to remind you that you are still on shift Dr Knight?" Connie said harshly as she looked at the doctor in front of her.

"I know I am but Ethan needs me. Surely you understand that?" Cal said confusingly. He didn't think that he would be expected to continue working with everything that had happened.

"Yes I do, but considering your brother is currently asleep there isn't much you can do for him." Connie said simply as she shifted from one foot to another.

"I want to be there when he wakes up." Cal said but he knew he was fighting a losing battle.

"Well I want you to start doing what you're being paid for and actually treat your patients. They too require your help." Connie snapped. She was two doctors down and the amount of patients waiting to be seen was building up.

"But Ethan will be getting discharged soon and I want to go with him." Cal said. He couldn't bear the idea of Ethan being home alone after the day he has had.

"I'll sort a taxi out for Ethan whilst you work the rest of your shift and pay back the time you owe me." Connie said and was about to turn away when the sound of a raised voice caused her to turn back around.

"Are you kidding me? A taxi? The whole reason Ethan is in this mess is because he didn't want to get in a car and you plan on sending him home in a taxi?" Cal exclaimed. He couldn't believe that Connie had even suggested such an idea.

"Cal, I'm sorry. I didn't think that through very well…" Connie started to apologise but she was cut short.

"Save it. You really do not care about your team at all do you?" Cal questioned and he could see that Connie was about to answer but he cut her off once again. "And just so you know once Ethan wakes up we'll both be leaving, together, before the end of my shift." He snapped and turned his back on the clinical lead and headed off towards reception.

_**Hello! So just a quick message. Thank you so much for all the reviews so far…they really motivate me to continue this story! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and remember to leave a review about you think and any suggestions!  
Also, can I just say how amazing Amanda looked at the BAFTAs, it's a shame Casualty didn't win but she certainly looked gorgeous! **_


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24:**

Half an hour had passed since Connie had ordered Cal back to work. He had drawn the short straw and ended up with a drunken teenager who had managed to fall down stairs and dislocate their shoulder.

"I need you to sit still whilst I put your shoulder back in place ok? It may hurt a little." Cal said as he looked at the boy on the bed. He kept saying he was 17 years old but according to his notes he is only 14. Cal waited for confirmation from him but instead he started to sing a drunken version of an Ed Sheeran song.

"Come on, I need you to sit still otherwise this won't work." Cal said frustratingly. Of all the patients in the hospital he had to get the drunk one.

"I don't wanna sit still." The boy said as he shuffled around on the bed before screaming loudly at the pain in his shoulder.

"Look, your shoulder will hurt a lot less if you just sit still and let me put it back in place!" Cal shouted to the patient when he heard the cubicle curtain open. He looked round and saw Connie looking at him.

"What is going on here?" Connie asked as she walked over to the patient and picked up the notes off the edge of the bed.

"He's got a dislocated shoulder but he won't sit still for me to put it back in." Cal said as he looked at the patient who had once again started singing to himself.

"Maybe if you talk to the patient rather than shout at him you may find he is more responsive." Connie said snidely to Cal.

"Of course I tried talking to him, he just doesn't listen." Cal snapped back when Charlie appeared at the opening of the curtains.

"Sorry to interrupt but Ethan is awake and asking for you." Charlie said as Cal dashed out of the cubicle and towards his brothers. He could see through the gap that Ethan was sat up in bed and looked more refreshed than before.

"How are you feeling?" Cal asked gently as he walked into the cubicle.

"Better thanks, I just want to get out of here really." Ethan said and Cal couldn't blame him. He too wanted to get out of here and away from Connie.

"About that. I've been thinking. I think it's too far for you to walk the entire distance after the day you've had so what do you say if we borrow a wheelchair and that way if you get tired I can push you the rest of the way?" Cal suggested and Ethan smiled.

"It sounds great if it means I can get out of this bed." Ethan chuckled to himself. He was never the kind to sit in bed all day and not do anything.

"Right that's sorted then. I'll go and get our things from the staff room while you get changed and I'll be back with a wheelchair shortly." Cal explained as he passed Ethan's clothes to him from under the bed.

_**Hello, sorry about the delay in updating this but been a bit busy. What did you all think of Casualty last night? I wasn't sure if I was going to like it with it just having Charlie and Connie in as I'm not huge fans of them but I actually rather enjoyed it as a one off. I hope that they keep Louis in once they return to Holby and show if Charlie changes and actually puts Louis before his job and things otherwise it would feel that the episode was pointless and that Connie starts to do the same with Grace? Then she might start revealing some of her softer side? Who knows. Any ways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and remember to leave a review of what you think and suggestions! **_


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25:**

Once Cal had returned the two brothers made their way out of the ED without a backwards glance. They were both so happy to get away from the place after the day they had and were desperate to get back home.

"I was thinking when we get in we could order a takeaway and watch a film or something?" Cal suggested as he pushed Ethan down the street. He had walked a little bit but decided that they would get home a lot quicker if Cal just pushed him.

"That sounds good." Ethan said as he glanced up at Cal who smiled back at him. He couldn't remember the last time the two of them had had a brotherly night in. In fact, he wasn't sure if they had ever even had one.

"You had me really worried today you know." Cal said quietly as he pushed the wheelchair along. The street they were walking down was quiet. Traffic could be heard in the distance but the main sound they could hear were the wheels making their way down the pavement.

"I'm really sorry Cal. I just panicked and freaked out. I didn't want to let people down." Ethan said as he fiddled with his fingers not knowing where to look. Neither of them are very good at expressing how they feel never mind trying to have a conversation about them together.

"I know, but you need to know that we are here to help you. All of us." Cal said but Ethan didn't know what to say back and silence fell between the pair.

The duo finally made it home. Cal made sure that Ethan was comfortable on the sofa where he left him deciding which film to watch whilst Cal rummaged around in the hall drawers trying to find a takeaway menu.

"Chinese or pizza?" Cal asked as he made his way back into the front room holding up two menus in his hand.

"Ohh…pizza please!" Ethan exclaimed. He couldn't remember the last time he had sat down with a pizza in front of the TV.

"Pizza it is then." Cal said before making his way into the kitchen to find his phone to order their food. He glanced through the doorway at his brother sitting on the sofa, his head resting against the arm rest, a cushion cuddled into his stomach like he used when he was a child and had had a busy day. Cal smiled and let out a sigh. He was grateful for how close they were as children and that they have finally started to get that close bond back but Cal still felt guilty for not being there in between and missing out on all the special moments they could have had together, and after today's events Cal was determined to be there for Ethan whenever he needed him no matter what.

_**Hello. Sorry for the delay in updating this story but things have been crazily busy again. I know it is a bit of a short chapter but I wasn't sure what else to write really. I feel I'm coming to a bit of a dead end with this story at the moment and I don't really know where I'm taking it anymore. I would love to be able to carry it on but I'm all out of ideas at the moment so if you have any at all leave them in a review and hopefully they will give me some inspiration and ideas so that I can carry on with this story. If not, then this may be the last update for a while until something comes along. Sorry! But thank you for all the reviews so far, keep them coming and ANY ideas at all are welcome. **_


	26. Chapter 26

_**Just a quick message for you all. I have decided to leave this story as it is and have the chapter with Ethan and Cal ordering takeaway as the final chapter. It seemed like a good place to end with it being on a happy note and the brothers getting on so well. I just wanted to say thank you so much for all the reviews, suggestions and support you have all given to me during this story and I'm glad you've all enjoyed it! Keep a look out for my other stories. I currently going through some of my unfinished ones to see if I feel returning to them, if not I shall be starting to think about a new one. Thanks again!**_

_**Sophie xx**_


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